even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
