Midget sex pt 2 tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
