I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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