shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
