i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
