We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
