Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
