Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
