when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
