Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
