i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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