Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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