Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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