The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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