dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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