legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
