so explain again why im purple
no
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
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I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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