I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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