his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
