She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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