I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
