One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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