i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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