I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My cat gives me a boner
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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