Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
