So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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