for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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