Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
