I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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