So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
