I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
