I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He passed out mid-signature
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I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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