all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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