I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
