this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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