this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
