Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
