Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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