We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
