this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
