I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
