Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
