Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
