I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
