There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
