stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
