I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
