He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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