Already got asked if we're dating
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
