Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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