it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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