You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
