where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I didn't shave. On purpose
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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