I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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