i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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