So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
