I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wear drunk well.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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