Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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